Colonoscopy

Today, I had my endoscopy and colonoscopy. I didn’t know exactly what to expect and didn’t want to stress myself by looking too much into it beforehand. Everyone was really nice when I got there, and I felt a little better knowing I’d be asleep for the procedure.

But when they wheeled me into the room and put the gag-like device in my mouth for the camera, I started to panic. I felt like I was screaming inside, even though I blacked out soon after.

When I woke up, I asked if I had screamed or caused a scene, but they said I was “fine.” Later, though, I read my report and saw the word “intolerant” used to describe me. That word stuck with me, bringing back flashes of past trauma—memories of being gagged and assaulted in a swing years ago.

#theater #musicals #toxicfamily #toxicpeople #narcissism #gaslighting #mentalhealth #toxic #boundaries #abuse #survivor #healing #dysfunctionalfamily #depression #manipulation #bipolar #life #sucks