The Feed

Yesterday was a DAY. I spent hours calling the cast, sending emails, organizing everything, and yes… dealing with some parents. Listen, theater is competitive. Sometimes you don’t make the cast. Sometimes you get a smaller role than you hoped for. That’s life. Be disappointed for a minute if you need to, but then either move forward or be grateful for the opportunity you WERE given. PERIOD. There were enough talented people to cast this show several times over, and every deci

Well… last night was honestly amazing. We had 45 kids come out along with callbacks for the adults, and the amount of talent in the room was kind of unbelievable. There were so many genuinely great people that it made choosing incredibly difficult because this show honestly could have been cast several different ways and still been wonderful. That’s both the beautiful and heartbreaking part of theater sometimes. But truly, I couldn’t have asked for a better night. The energy,

I woke up at the crack of dawn and hit the road back to SLO. Somewhere during the drive I kept thinking about everything from when I got back to San Diego. It was pretty obvious my mom had gone through my closet because stuff was scattered all over the floor. A lot of it was old notebooks and journals, basically pieces of my life from the entire Stripbook era and beyond. It felt strange seeing all of that pulled out and exposed like that. I never said anything because honestl

Driving back to LA today. I think I’m going to stop at Universal Studios for a few hours — my happy place — before hanging out with Sheila tonight. Then tomorrow it’s back to San Luis Obispo for callbacks again. Boy… this process has already taken me on such a long journey emotionally, physically, financially… all of it. But somehow I still believe this show is going to become something really special. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPe

I decided to wake up early and drive all the way back to San Diego today, which honestly sounds insane even to me. But I just wanted one night in my own bed. I needed to wash my clothes, breathe for a second, and feel human again before heading back into the chaos. This show has already consumed so much of my life and we’re only getting started. Somewhere between gas stations, callback notes, iced coffees, and nonstop phone calls, I realized how deeply I care about this produ

So I went ridiculously early to find parking near the Pantages because the manager emailed me warning that there was some huge event happening and parking would apparently be a nightmare. Of course… I found parking immediately and ended up there an hour early. Since I had time to kill, I walked through the entire car show after finally getting past security, which somehow became an ordeal all on its own. Then when I finally got inside, I found out it was literally just me and

Currently waiting for Sheila, Paul, and Evin to get here for lunch. They’re running super late and I’m honestly exhausted at this point. I originally thought we’d spend the whole day hanging out, but I think after lunch I’m probably just going to get back on the road and keep driving. I really hope they get here soon because my energy is officially gone. Tomorrow Sound of Music, but honestly one thing I’m really looking forward to tonight is having Sheila’s entire apartment t

Today I hit a wall emotionally. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’ve been living in my car half the week driving between LA, San Diego, and rehearsals trying to make all of this work. I know in the end people are going to be upset no matter what decisions are made, and that feeling weighs on me heavier than anyone realizes. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #Vul

Callbacks are turning into one giant emotional puzzle. You try to build the strongest cast possible while also protecting people’s feelings and hopes, and sometimes those things don’t line up. That’s the hardest part. People don’t always see the hours of stress behind the scenes… the spreadsheets, the calls, the driving, the second guessing. I just want everyone to feel seen. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #Men

Spent the entire day driving back and forth between cities for this production and I swear I’ve burned through an entire tank of gas every 12 hours. I just realized I basically spent all my birthday money on gas and fast food while trying to make this show happen. It honestly makes me sick. I know theater is worth it… but wow this process is exhausting. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromS

I knew putting together a cast would be hard… but I didn’t realize how emotionally brutal it would feel. There are so many talented people and only so many spots. Every callback means someone’s dream comes true while someone else leaves disappointed, and carrying that responsibility honestly hurts. I barely slept last night thinking about it all. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPa

Day 4 in SLO, and now we’re at the stage of calling back all of these people. It’s honestly a hard one because there was so much talent in the room, and narrowing it down is never easy. Grateful for the energy, the work everyone brought in, and excited to start shaping what this cast is going to look like. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #D

Day 2 of auditions, and it’s also Mother’s Day. I won’t be spending it with my mom today, which kind of sucks, but I’m doing what I love, and there’s something meaningful about being in a room full of creativity on a day like this. Looking forward to another day of amazing talent and seeing what everyone brings in. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #Vulnerabl

Today is the big audition day! I’m pretty excited and really looking forward to seeing some amazing talent walk through the door. There’s always something special about audition day energy, and I can’t wait to see who shows up and what everyone brings. Let’s have a great day in the room! #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #Depression #Manipulat

For some reason, when I get really anxious or stressed, my body reacts in the most dramatic way possible with a relentless cough that doesn’t stop until it literally makes me throw up. It feels like everything just short circuits. On top of that, I catch myself nonstop humming, and the combination makes me feel a little unhinged, like I’m trying to hold it together while also on the verge of getting sick. It’s not exactly a glamorous stress response. #LiveYourDream #CreativeH

It’s kind of crazy how you go from doing nothing to somehow being almost overbooked. One minute there’s space and quiet, and the next everything is stacked up and moving at once. I guess it’s a good thing, even if it feels a little overwhelming sometimes. Still trying to keep up and stay grateful for it all. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #

Yesterday started off with some unexpected family communication from my Aunt Lee that pulled up a lot of old history and feelings I wasn’t planning to sit with all day. It’s strange how quickly something from the past can land in the present and shift your whole headspace. It left me frustrated and a little spun out, and I spent more time than I wanted thinking about how things got to where they are. I probably could have engaged differently, but I also knew I needed to prote

It’s my Birthday! #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #Depression #Manipulation #Bipolar #BreakingTheStigma #TheaterAndTherapy

So you might’ve seen my earlier post about the rosebush my sister bought from my Gramma that has now completely taken over and grown everywhere. Last week it started blooming these really beautiful roses that smelled amazing. I cut a few and put them in a vase, and by the next day they had fallen, so we put them in a bowl and they still smelled so good. A few days ago I told my mom there were four roses blooming, and she said she knew and planned to cut it back after they fin

A couple months ago my therapist left for another company and I thought no problem, I’ll just follow him, but of course Kaiser said absolutely not. So last week I called to get a new therapist, and somehow my answers flagged me as “in crisis,” which led to being transferred over and over like a bad game of phone tag, which honestly would not be helpful if someone actually was in crisis. After an hour I finally got an appointment for today, only to be told he can only see me e