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We interrupt the theater portion of this blog for Murder, She Wrote: Aquarium Edition. I recently bought some new fish from Petco and put them into my 40 gallon freshwater tank. Then the new fish died. Not good. Then one of my old fish died. Really not good. Suddenly I am standing in front of the aquarium staring at the survivors like Jessica Fletcher arriving at a suspiciously crowded dinner party. Was it the water? Ammonia? Disease? Stress? Did the new fish bring something

Just when Oliver! finances weren’t providing enough drama, SeaWorld said, “Hold my Shamu.” I had already heard from several employees that I wasn’t being brought back, which would have been interesting information to receive from, oh I don’t know, SeaWorld. Eventually the form letter arrived and I decided I wanted an actual answer. I showed up, never called out, worked beyond my job description, painted, built, worked in the heat, helped reinvent the Bayou maze and eventually

Still doing Oliver! numbers. I have now stared at spreadsheets for so long that I am starting to believe Excel is a personality disorder. The bigger conversation is how you divide the profits between three people when three people didn’t necessarily do the same amount of work. Nobody wants money to become an issue between friends, especially after we just accomplished something pretty extraordinary together, but I also don’t want to minimize how much of myself I poured into t

Apparently producing a musical doesn’t end when the curtain comes down. It ends when every receipt, reimbursement, royalty, theater charge, deposit, ticket fee. So today I continued my exciting new career as an accountant. The deeper I get into it, the more I realize how much of my old Kelrik life went into making this new company and this production happen. The relationships, costumes, scenery, trades, people, discounts, experience and twenty years of knowing who to call wh

I'm watching House of Stassi and... wow. It's definitely something else. Stassi is so messed up sometimes. I keep finding myself asking, "What is she thinking?" Every time I think it can't get any crazier, it somehow does. I can't stop watching. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #Depression #Manipulation #Bipolar #BreakingTheStigma #TheaterAnd

Well... that was an unexpected way to spend the morning. I wandered into the casino, somehow walked out a big winner, and now the real challenge begins... convincing myself that today's ending is the perfect ending. Sometimes the smartest win is knowing not to go back. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #Depression #Manipulation #Bipolar #Brea

I'm really starting to want to see the final numbers from Oliver! How did we actually do? How many tickets did we sell? What were the final grosses? Did we make money? Lose money? Break even? I know it all takes time to reconcile, but my producer brain is dying over here. The show has been over for weeks... what's taking so long? #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThrou

It's funny how quickly your sense of importance can disappear. A couple of weeks ago, my phone never stopped ringing. People needed answers, decisions, approvals, solutions. Every email felt urgent, every text needed a response, and for months my life revolved around making Oliver! happen. Then the show closed, and almost overnight... silence. It's such a strange feeling to go from being at the center of something so big to wondering if anyone needs you at all. I'm slowly rea

Everyone loves to quote Michelle Obama: "When they go low, we go high." But sometimes... no.Look, I tried going high. I packed snacks for the trip, wore sensible shoes, and took the moral high ground. Meanwhile, they rented a bulldozer and kept digging. At some point you realize that going high doesn't mean letting people walk all over you. You can still keep your dignity while reminding someone that you're not the one to play with. Let's just say... sometimes the high road

Honestly, these last two weeks have felt longer and more exhausting than mounting Oliver! At least with the show, every problem had a cue, a rehearsal, or a deadline. This? It's just waiting... wondering... overthinking... and trying to figure out what comes next. So... what do I do now? Because for the first time in a long time, I don't have a rehearsal to go to, a set to paint, or a scene to fix. And that's a very strange feeling. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMySt

My mom spent hours yesterday pulling weeds and cleaning leaves out of the rock fountain in the backyard. I picked up where she left off this morning at the crack of dawn,.. and a lot of bending over. My back would like a word. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #Depression #Manipulation #Bipolar #BreakingTheStigma #TheaterAndTherapy

I've spent more time debating whether to send one email asking "why?" than some people spend deciding to move across the country. Every five minutes I'm either absolutely sending it... or absolutely not. My brain has formed two committees, both equally persuasive, and they're holding meetings around the clock. Exhausting. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #V

Today I reached out to Disney Theatrical to see if they needed anyone to work merchandise for Beauty and the Beast at the Pantages. I thought it would be such an incredible full-circle moment. Beauty and the Beast was my very first professional theater job, and it launched a career that has taken me to so many amazing places. The thought of being back with the show that started it all felt almost poetic. Unfortunately, they don't need anyone. I'm disappointed because it would

One unexpected thing that's come out of all of this... people have started reaching out about working on their productions. Now I'm sitting here asking myself a question I probably should have asked years ago... what is my price? After everything I've done, everything I've learned, and everything it took to pull off Oliver!, I know the answer isn't what it used to be. Knowing your worth is one thing. Putting a dollar amount on it? That's a whole different production. #LiveYou

Well... after hearing from other team members that I wasn't returning to SeaWorld, I finally got the official email myself. Not exactly the plot twist I was hoping for, but at least the mystery is over. Sometimes closure doesn't arrive with confetti... it arrives in your inbox. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #Depression #Manipulation #Bipo

Victory! After what felt like an endless maze of insurance hurdles, phone calls, approvals, and waiting, I finally have my therapist back. It's funny how something so important can be so hard to access, but I'm incredibly grateful it's finally worked out. Sometimes the biggest win of the week isn't flashy...it's simply getting back to the person who helps you make sense of it all. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior.

I still randomly think, "I should email the cast." Then I remember... there isn't a rehearsal tonight. Post show brain is a very confusing place. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #Depression #Manipulation #Bipolar #BreakingTheStigma #TheaterAndTherapy

I definitely have the post show blues, even though there's still so much to wrap up. A few weeks ago, someone in the cast looked at me and said, "You have alchemy, and not a lot of people do." At first I wasn't sure what they meant, so I looked it up. Alchemy is about transforming ordinary things into something extraordinary, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that's exactly what I've always tried to do. I see an empty stage and imagine an entire world. I se

I got this little card from Wren, the girl who played Oliver in our show, and I honestly think it's one of the nicest cards I've ever received. We saw more than 50 kids audition for Oliver!, and even though Wren had never done a play before, she walked away with the title role. Watching her grow throughout this process is exactly why I believe so deeply in theater. It isn't just about putting on a show. It's about giving people confidence, helping them discover what they're c

I met Tim last year during The Wizard of Oz with Opera SLO. He literally came in and saved the show. A little later, I asked him to build the gingerbread house for Hansel and Gretel. I'll admit, I was a little nervous because it was such a specific piece, but he absolutely came through. That's when we really started talking, and at one point he simply said, "Just tell me what to build, and I'll do it for you." He told me about his old theater company, and I remember saying, "