Casino

Okay, so picture me last night: bright lights, a slot machine that purred like a seductive robot promising riches… and me, two seconds away from believing I was the next Vegas legend.

Spoiler alert: I was not.

The casino basically looked at me and said, “Aww, cute… you thought you were going to win? Adorable. Hand over your wallet.” And like the gullible optimist I am, I complied. With enthusiasm.

It’s honestly the perfect metaphor for my life. I keep thinking, This could be the moment! This could be where everything turns around! And then the universe is like, “LOL no, but thanks for trying.”

Every spin was like a relationship: hopeful beginning, a few pretty lights, then suddenly everything is gone and I’m left sitting there wondering where it all went wrong.

I mean, sure, losing money sucks. Watching it vanish faster than a flaky friend when it’s moving day? Even worse. But sometimes you’ve gotta know when to walk away. When the machine isn’t hitting, when the blessings aren’t blessing, when the vibe is saying abort mission, you listen.

So I’m calling it personal growth: I stopped before the casino took the car keys and my dignity.

Though, to be fair, the only good thing to come out of this disaster is that they leveled me up to Gold Member status. Which means… more free stuff. The kind of free stuff that has basically already cost me a fortune. But hey, free is free when you ignore the math.

Today’s lesson from the universe dressed in sequins: If you aren’t winning, do not double down. Cash out. Quit while you still have the shoes you walked in with.