The Feed

I am officially exhausted by being broke. Like aggressively broke. Like “let’s split a soda because capitalism is cruel” broke. Today Sheila took me to see The Devil Wears Ratatouille, which sounds like a fake movie Kirk would produce in Stars Hollow for twelve dollars and a panini. She bought popcorn and we split a drink that was half Cherry Pepsi and half Diet Coke, which honestly tasted way better than it had any right to. The movie itself was fine. Like airplane entertain

Well today was Memorial Day and somehow it felt like we traveled across the state of California fourteen times for absolutely no reason. We took drinks to Sheila’s daughter Isabella, who’s house-sitting, and drove all the way to her apartment, which was actually really cute. We were finally about to leave for the beach when suddenly Isabella didn’t feel well, and instead of just saying “okay maybe another time,” we somehow ended up driving all the way back to the valley first

Going into Sound of Music merchandise madness today because the manager is panicking that she’s missing an entire week of inventory, except today is closing day so now everything has to be packed up at the end too. Both shows are sold out, which is amazing except it also means I probably won’t get to actually watch the show at all, which kind of sucks because by closing you finally get sentimental and start acting like the Von Trapps are your actual relatives. So today’s agen

Drove all the way back to LA tonight after kid rehearsal and watching a production of Bringing It On performed by children who were approximately the age of small woodland creatures. Now listen, it was cute. Very cute. Adorable even. But there are certain lines in that show where you suddenly remember, “Oh right, these characters are supposed to be in high school,” and meanwhile little Madison on stage still believes in the Tooth Fairy. Some of them genuinely looked like they

Yesterday was a DAY. I spent hours calling the cast, sending emails, organizing everything, and yes… dealing with some parents. Listen, theater is competitive. Sometimes you don’t make the cast. Sometimes you get a smaller role than you hoped for. That’s life. Be disappointed for a minute if you need to, but then either move forward or be grateful for the opportunity you WERE given. PERIOD. There were enough talented people to cast this show several times over, and every deci

We had the first Oliver! rehearsal today and honestly the energy in the room was great. Tons of people, lots of excitement, everybody ready to jump in and get started. Unfortunately the scripts did not arrive, which is a pretty important part of doing a musical. So we basically spent the evening fake-marking music, explaining things out loud, and pretending we were way more organized than we actually were. Somehow it still worked and everybody had a good time. Honestly commun

Opera SLO letting us use the scene shop for Oliver! is honestly amazing because now we can actually build things without balancing flats in parking lots like traveling pirates. Apparently they had to do a ton of repairs around the building, including clearing out all the weeds and landscaping, and instead of hiring a normal gardening company they hired some guy who clearly charged about nineteen dollars and a Monster Energy drink. Half the time he didn’t even show up, and whe

Well… last night was honestly amazing. We had 45 kids come out along with callbacks for the adults, and the amount of talent in the room was kind of unbelievable. There were so many genuinely great people that it made choosing incredibly difficult because this show honestly could have been cast several different ways and still been wonderful. That’s both the beautiful and heartbreaking part of theater sometimes. But truly, I couldn’t have asked for a better night. The energy,

I woke up at the crack of dawn and hit the road back to SLO. Somewhere during the drive I kept thinking about everything from when I got back to San Diego. It was pretty obvious my mom had gone through my closet because stuff was scattered all over the floor. A lot of it was old notebooks and journals, basically pieces of my life from the entire Stripbook era and beyond. It felt strange seeing all of that pulled out and exposed like that. I never said anything because honestl

Driving back to LA today. I think I’m going to stop at Universal Studios for a few hours — my happy place — before hanging out with Sheila tonight. Then tomorrow it’s back to San Luis Obispo for callbacks again. Boy… this process has already taken me on such a long journey emotionally, physically, financially… all of it. But somehow I still believe this show is going to become something really special. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPe

I decided to wake up early and drive all the way back to San Diego today, which honestly sounds insane even to me. But I just wanted one night in my own bed. I needed to wash my clothes, breathe for a second, and feel human again before heading back into the chaos. This show has already consumed so much of my life and we’re only getting started. Somewhere between gas stations, callback notes, iced coffees, and nonstop phone calls, I realized how deeply I care about this produ

So I went ridiculously early to find parking near the Pantages because the manager emailed me warning that there was some huge event happening and parking would apparently be a nightmare. Of course… I found parking immediately and ended up there an hour early. Since I had time to kill, I walked through the entire car show after finally getting past security, which somehow became an ordeal all on its own. Then when I finally got inside, I found out it was literally just me and

Currently waiting for Sheila, Paul, and Evin to get here for lunch. They’re running super late and I’m honestly exhausted at this point. I originally thought we’d spend the whole day hanging out, but I think after lunch I’m probably just going to get back on the road and keep driving. I really hope they get here soon because my energy is officially gone. Tomorrow Sound of Music, but honestly one thing I’m really looking forward to tonight is having Sheila’s entire apartment t

Today I hit a wall emotionally. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’ve been living in my car half the week driving between LA, San Diego, and rehearsals trying to make all of this work. I know in the end people are going to be upset no matter what decisions are made, and that feeling weighs on me heavier than anyone realizes. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #Vul

Callbacks are turning into one giant emotional puzzle. You try to build the strongest cast possible while also protecting people’s feelings and hopes, and sometimes those things don’t line up. That’s the hardest part. People don’t always see the hours of stress behind the scenes… the spreadsheets, the calls, the driving, the second guessing. I just want everyone to feel seen. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #Men

Spent the entire day driving back and forth between cities for this production and I swear I’ve burned through an entire tank of gas every 12 hours. I just realized I basically spent all my birthday money on gas and fast food while trying to make this show happen. It honestly makes me sick. I know theater is worth it… but wow this process is exhausting. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromS

I knew putting together a cast would be hard… but I didn’t realize how emotionally brutal it would feel. There are so many talented people and only so many spots. Every callback means someone’s dream comes true while someone else leaves disappointed, and carrying that responsibility honestly hurts. I barely slept last night thinking about it all. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPa

Day 4 in SLO, and now we’re at the stage of calling back all of these people. It’s honestly a hard one because there was so much talent in the room, and narrowing it down is never easy. Grateful for the energy, the work everyone brought in, and excited to start shaping what this cast is going to look like. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #D

Day 2 of auditions, and it’s also Mother’s Day. I won’t be spending it with my mom today, which kind of sucks, but I’m doing what I love, and there’s something meaningful about being in a room full of creativity on a day like this. Looking forward to another day of amazing talent and seeing what everyone brings in. #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #Vulnerabl

Today is the big audition day! I’m pretty excited and really looking forward to seeing some amazing talent walk through the door. There’s always something special about audition day energy, and I can’t wait to see who shows up and what everyone brings. Let’s have a great day in the room! #LiveYourDream #CreativeHealing #ThisIsMyStory #Theater #Musicals #ToxicPeople #StrippedAMemior #MentalHealthMatters #FromStageToPage #HealingThroughArt #VulnerablyBold #Depression #Manipulat